How Soon They Forget, and Maybe That's the Way it Should Be.

This past weekend my husband Joe and I were invited to attend a surprise birthday party for the wife of one of Joe’s oldest friends. Also invited to attend was Joe’s ex-wife (“M”), who drove with her boyfriend all the way from Chicago to share the birthday celebration with her dear friend.

Joe and I have been married for five years and he and his ex-wife split up another ten years before that. Just a year or two after their breakup, M moved to the midwest and has only made a few short visits each year to our neck of the woods to visit her son and his children who still live near-by.

I have never felt threatened at all by M so I was surprised to dream about her the night before the birthday party. In my dream, Joe told me that our marriage was over because he and M had decided to reunite. In the dream I was amazingly calm and accepting of that news, even patiently and soothingly explaining the decision to a few infuriated friends and Joe’s distressed children.

Joe and I arrived at the party at the designated time and M arrived about an hour later. She hovered across the room and then disappeared into the kitchen before she and I even had a chance to greet each other. My husband went to the kitchen to get a drink and emerged a minute later.

Joe came right over to me with a funny smile on his face. “She called me Bill”, he said. Then under his breath he added, “Her first husband was named Bill and he’s been dead for over ten years!” I thought he was joking, of course, but a minute later M followed Joe from the kitchen and after greeting me she apologized to Joe for forgetting his name. Joe was gracious, of course, but I hardly knew how to react to the absurdity of it all.

How could a woman forget the name of a man she was married to for nearly twenty years? I suppose there are a number of explanations but none of them particularly matter to me. I’m just amazed that I wasted an entire dream on my apparent anxiety about M’s arrival. And I am very grateful to M for providing the material that has kept me amused for the last three days.

Joe....I love you and I promise I will never forget your name....even twenty years from now.....until we get to the assisted living facility. Then all bets are off.